Facing and Overcoming Fear, No Matter the Situation
My niece Riley and I celebrating our victory after conquering our own tree-top adventure fears at Gunstock Mountain in Gilford, NH.
It was a picture perfect summer day in New Hampshire. The sun was shining, the clouds were big, white, puffy marshmallows that gracefully floated across the crystal blue sky and the air was light and crisp. I was outside, surrounded by nature and as well as my family who had traveled from Massachusetts to go camping and spend some quality time together. We were all staying at a campground located next to Gunstock Mountain Resort where there were a number of outdoor adventure activities (zip-lining, a mountain coaster and an aerial treetop adventure course) to enjoy during the off-season. After Matt, my two oldest nieces and I debated for a few minutes about which pass we would purchase, we decided to tackle the mountain coaster and the aerial treetop adventure - both activities none of us had ever done before.
First up was the mountain coaster ride. After strapping into an open air cart simply attached to metal tubes, the ride climbed through the forest until the highest point was reached. While the cart did have brakes you could control as you meandered through the 4,100 feet of descending twists and turns, you could also just let gravity do its thing and reach speeds of up to 25 mph. Obviously, I didn’t touch my brakes once. The ride was a peaceful thrill through the forest that lasted almost six minutes - a perfect warm-up for what I had no idea I was about to encounter next.
After unbuckling and exiting the cart, the four of us walked over to the aerial treetop adventure (ATA), which I now know is New England’s largest treetop aerial course. It consists of five courses ranging in obstacle difficulty with a maximum platform height of 50 feet off the ground and zip lines up to 250 feet long 😳. Upon checking in, we were all given harnesses that were tightened around our waist, after which our guide taught us how to use the numerous clips and equipment that dangled from it and would be used throughout the course. Although we all passed the initial equipment tests and made it successfully through the first two demo courses where you were just 3-5 feet off the ground, I was intimidated and could feel the level of discomfort in my body rising. This course was already taking me out of my comfort zone and testing new levels of trust - trust in my own physical ability to complete each obstacle and trust in my equipment to keep me safe even when elevated off the ground.
I could feel my body beginning to display typical fight or flight symptoms (sweating, holding tension in my jaw / shoulders, increased heart rate); however, I took a few deep breaths and decided to start moving forward. While the competitive athlete in me was already thinking about getting past course three, which is where most people who attempt the ATA end up stopping, I consciously choose to refocus my mind into the present moment on the course and obstacle right in front of me. Using positive self-talk, reminding myself that I was always clipped in should I fall, garnering support from Matt / my nieces - I successfully completed the twenty obstacles within courses one and two.
My confidence was increasing as I conquered each obstacle and I was ready to take on what was deemed the “difficult” course three. I clipped myself in and began to climb the wooden steps up to the platform to begin the first of thirteen obstacles within the course. As I stood on the platform that was twenty feet high in the air I couldn’t help but notice how my two nieces who went before me made it look so easy. At over 5 '6”, their height was an advantage on the course which allowed them to navigate the obstacles with ease, especially the ladders with rungs that were spaced rather far apart for smaller legs like mine. I channeled their energy and encouragement to get myself across a ladder obstacle, followed by a seesaw obstacle and then a zip line. After landing on the platform and transitioning from the zip line to the next obstacle to size up, I immediately froze. In front of me was a rope swing that was hanging 30 feet above ground and the only way for me to get to the next platform which was 10 feet away was to grab it swing across. That freeze moment stopped me dead in my tracks and was the beginning of what would be a very long 15 minutes of processing fear.
Prior to this obstacle the only experience I had with a rope swing was about 10 years ago when I used one to swing into a river. Unfortunately, I miss timed my release and got a really bad and painful rope burn between my thighs. As you can imagine, that memory came flooding back to me as I stood on that platform so hesitantly. I had a negative connotation with rope swings and my body knew it - mentally and physically. Like I mentioned above, I spent the next 15 minutes, yes - 15 minutes, standing on the platform, looking at the swing and processing this deep rooted fear with Matt, my nieces and two nearby guides. My mind offered up thoughts that “I couldn’t do it” and “I would get hurt” but I could feel deep down in my intuition that I wanted to try it; however, every time I got to the edge of the platform, gripped the rope and bent my knees to jump to the other side - I froze. I knew the obstacle could be done because my two nieces had already completed it. I just had a HUGE mental block.
In addition to doubting my capabilities, I began to get anxious as I knew I was holding up Matt who was behind me on the course as well as my two nieces who were already two obstacles ahead at this point, patiently waiting for me to catch up. The last thing I wanted to do was “fail” at this obstacle and limit other people from having their own fun.
Although my nieces and Matt were cheering me on, it wasn’t until the park’s manager, Sara, came up to the platform with me did my energy and approach shift. Sara’s demeanor was calm and encouraging. She asked me if I wanted to watch her complete the obstacle so I could see how it was done and that it was perfectly safe (which helped tremendously). I had her swing back and forth from platform to platform at least four times so I could monitor exactly how she positioned her body every step of the way. I’m not joking when I say that Sara was an absolute saint. Every time she jumped from platform to platform my body relaxed a little bit more and my negative thoughts began to dissipate. She was evidence that I could do this, reassured me that it would only last a few seconds, reinforced to me that once on the other side the feeling of accomplishment would be incredible. As Sara made her last swing to the platform on the other side, she swung the rope back to me and began to count down…3, 2, 1. At that moment, I committed. I held onto that rope with all the strength I could muster, trusted that my equipment would do what it was intended to do and swung 10 feet in the air to the other platform. Before I even arrived at the other platform I remember thinking in mid-air, “this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be”! I guess the old saying “hindsight is always 20 / 20” is totally true! When I arrived on the other platform, safe and proud of myself for overcoming the fear, I immediately turned to Sara and thanked her. Because of her coaching and belief in me I was able to break through my own limiting beliefs and use my fear to propel me forward.
Once I got through the rope swing, I sailed right through the rest of the obstacles in course three and then went on to course four. Not only had I overcome my rope swing fear, but I then used that momentum to complete the next seventeen obstacles which included heights of up to 50 feet off the ground.
I share this story because fear is a common emotion that every human experiences and it doesn’t have to hold you back from going after what you truly desire. Everyone experiences fear in their life, but we aren’t always taught how to recognize and process it. As a result, when fear shows up we typically shut down (flight response), avoid / suppress it (flight response) or combat it with force (fight response). While there is no right or wrong way to process fear, here are the four steps that I’ve learned (and teach) to approach it:
RECOGNIZE
First and foremost, it is important to get curious about how fear appears in your body. Two questions to ask are “what thoughts have created this fear?” and “where does my body hold the fear - what is the location, size and texture of it?”. For me, fear shows up mentally as “I can’t do that” or “I don’t want to let others down”. Physically, fear is heavy in my body and my posture retracts. As a result I either freeze and do nothing or move inward / push away to protect myself (e.g. my shoulders round around my heart space, I lean back to create space or I physically step backwards). Everyone experiences fear differently and this step requires you to pause and self-reflect to recognize how your body responds to fear so that you can identify how best to move forward and know when it arrives again.
ACKNOWLEDGE
After recognizing fear, I then acknowledge its presence by labeling it and saying its name out loud. When you acknowledge the emotion in this way you are claiming it, validating it, neutralizing it and creating separation from it. Remember, fear is a response and it is not your identity. This step cultivates acceptance of the emotion so you can then see it for what it is and begin to connect with it.
BEFRIEND
Fear is neither good nor bad, it is just input that you can use to help assess the situation and explore next steps. Fear has advantages and disadvantages and at this step you get to explore both sides. While fear is a great protection mechanism (it helps you sense danger) it also limits our potential. So ask your fear, what does it need to feel safe in this moment? For me, my fear always needs compassion and I’m able to give it that using different techniques. Just like I did on that ATA obstacle, I used my breath to send energy to the fear and rubbed my hand on my chest so it knew it was supported. As a result, the freeze tension began to release and I was able to self-soothe my way from a sympathetic nervous system response (fight or flight) to a parasympathetic response (rest and digest). In addition to my internal resources, I used the support of external resources. Matt, my nieces and Sara provided me with encouragement and physically gave my fear evidence that it was safe and the obstacle could be completed with ease (and maybe even a smile).
ACTION
After giving the fear what it needs, you will notice that the emotion doesn’t have such a death grip on your mind and body. Your thoughts will begin to slow down and your body will start to regain fluidity and movement. From this more calm and grounded place you can then begin to prepare and take action in moving forward. With each forward step the more input and evidence you gain that fear can be challenged AND overcome!
So whatever your fears are, know they are both valid but are also meant to be challenged. Like any emotion, fear is only temporary and I guarantee you, once you're on the other side of it, you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t approach it sooner. If you want help working through your fears so you can live to your full potential, schedule a free discovery session with me to begin the conversation.